


Confession Is Good for the Soul

by Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum



Series: Battle Scarred [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agent of Asgard Loki, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum/pseuds/Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Bucky and Loki haven't actively been trying to keep their fledgling relationship a secret, nobody else has any idea about the pair's habit of sneaking into each other's beds and they're happy for it to stay that way. But in Stark Tower, things don't tend to stay quiet for long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession Is Good for the Soul

When Bucky’s memories had first been restored, he hadn’t expected he would ever be free of his guilt. How could he after the things he’d done? It was a small miracle he was even able to function at all, the memories of his life as the Winter Soldier were so traumatic. But he had been slowly improving; even if his horror at his own actions remained fresh, it didn’t consume him the same way it had in the beginning. He was even starting to sleep better – though that wasn’t particularly a mean feat to accomplish.

And the fact that he wasn’t sleeping alone anymore may have had a little something to do with it.

It was the weight on his chest that forced him into alertness when he stirred. For a half a moment he thought his salvation had only been a dream, that he was strapped down and being tinkered with like a machine once again, and his body tensed in preparation for a fight, hopeless as it would be to try and escape his captors’ clutches. But the fight never came; Bucky opened his eyes to find himself in the familiar comfort of Loki’s bedroom, his lover still curled up asleep against his torso.

He didn’t think he’d ever been as happy to see Loki as he was in that moment. If he hadn’t still been unconscious Bucky would have kissed him, but as it was, he was content to gently slide his fingers through Loki’s silky hair as Loki woke and glanced up at him with a smile.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice thick with sleep, before stifling a yawn.

“Hey.” Bucky offered Loki a smile of his own while he spoke, and his hand came to rest on the nape of Loki’s neck, Loki’s hair tickling the backs of his fingers. “What time is it?”

Loki shuffled away from Bucky to find his alarm clock. Bucky didn’t remember them knocking things over the night before, but then he had been somewhat distracted, and seeing the nightstand free of its usual clutter save the bedside lamp hanging precariously at the table’s edge spoke for itself. He watched the muscles in Loki’s back shift under his skin as he rooted through the mess on the floor for a moment, before turning his gaze up to the bedroom’s high ceiling and studying the shadows cast by the dim morning light.

“It’s still early,” Loki said once his head reappeared in Bucky’s peripheral vision. “You don’t have to leave me yet.”

“You want me to stick around?” Apart from the few occasions when Loki had been tasked with a job that took him away for two or three days at a time, he and Bucky spent every night together, though that didn’t typically stretch to the mornings. They both had their own lives to get back to, and at this point, their relationship didn’t consist of a great deal other than sex. Neither of them were emotionally prepared for anything more.

Loki set his clock back on the nightstand and returned to Bucky’s side. “Oh I’m sure I could find a few more uses for you yet,” he replied, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s stubbled cheek as his hand slid down Bucky’s stomach.

His touch had just slipped below Bucky’s navel when the bright display of the clock face caught his eye. It was almost 6:05 already. “Damn it,” he said, throwing the bedsheets off himself and climbing over Loki to reach the bedroom floor.

“What is it?”

“Steve will be downstairs already,” he said as he searched through the bundle of clothes on the floor for his pants. It was possible he could be running late as well, Bucky supposed, though what were the chances? Steve Rogers was not the kind to make people wait.

Loki was rolling his eyes when Bucky turned back to face him, propped up on one elbow to watch him hastily dress. “Do you really have to train every morning? Surely you get a good enough workout here with me.” He flashed Bucky a toothy grin and shifted onto his front, and as he did so the sheets slipped a little lower down his hips. The bruises where Bucky’s metal fingers had gripped him were still faintly visible. He couldn’t tell if Loki had intended it or not, but either way it made it that much harder for him to fight the urge to crawl back into bed and find out just what other uses Loki had for him.

“You know Steve,” he said, forcing his eyes away from Loki’s body before he gave in to temptation. For the majority of his life he’d practically been without emotion – surely he’d have no problem resisting his own desires. Or perhaps that was the reason he now found it so difficult. “He’s got 70 years of lost time to make up for. Plus I think it has more to do with making sure I’m healthy and well-adjusted than actually working out.”

“And clearly he’s doing a spectacular job, since he has yet to notice you’ve been barely holding it together these past months.”

It was a simple observation – and an accurate one, at that – but even so it gave Bucky pause. Even if he didn’t want Steve to worry about him, he should probably still feel a little hurt that Steve hadn’t realised there was something wrong, shouldn’t he? Though that was a selfish desire on Bucky’s part, and one that would only serve to make Steve feel worse.

“Yeah, well it’s better that way,” Bucky said while he slipped his boots back on, before scanning their discarded clothes once again. “Have you seen my shirt?”

“It’s probably in the living room.”

He heard Loki leave the bed and follow him out of the room, and once he’d retrieved his t-shirt from the couch Loki pulled him in for a kiss, his naked body pressed flush against Bucky’s, long fingers threading into Bucky’s hair. Despite his haste, Bucky melted into the kiss.

“Are you coming to see me tonight?” Loki said after they’d pulled apart and Bucky had reached for the door.

“Of course.”

He gave Loki a warm smile and left him for another day.

Loki’s apartment was only one floor above Bucky’s, so he took the stairs, leaping over the railing and landing on the concrete floor of the stairwell below in a fraction of the time it would have taken to wait for the elevator. However tiny the chance was, Bucky clung to his hope that Steve wouldn’t be waiting outside his front door already. He charged down the hallway, pulling his t-shirt down over his head as he went, and rounded the corner to see another empty corridor.

The relief that washed over him at the sight didn’t last long, however. He stepped closer to see his apartment door pushed open, and at the sound of footsteps, Steve poked his head out from within.

“There you are.” His expression melted into a frown when he noticed Bucky still sliding his tight shirt down to his hips and his hair closely resembling a bird’s nest. “Where’ve you been?”

“I, uh...” Dozens of excuses filtered through Bucky’s mind, though none with any shred of believability. He took a breath and steeled himself for what was to come. “I was with Loki.”

“Why would you– _oh_ ,” he said once the realisation dawned on him. He gaped at Bucky for a moment as Bucky passed him to take a seat on the couch, elbows on his knees and chin resting against his knuckles while he waited for Steve to process that information. His eyes were still wide as dinner plates when Bucky looked up at him. “ _Loki_?”

“Disappointed in me?”

Steve was still in something of a daze, but he shook his head. He seemed to remember himself a little at Bucky’s words, stepping inside the apartment and pushing the front door closed behind him so they could discuss things properly. It wasn’t a conversation Bucky had been looking forward to having just yet.

“I got no right to tell you who you should or shouldn’t spend your time with,” he said. “How long have you two...” The words trailed off into nothing as Steve shifted uncomfortably against the kitchen island he leant back on. Bucky couldn’t really say he blamed him; he wouldn’t much want to think too hard about his best friend’s sex life either. Especially not when said friend was sleeping with someone he’d spent the last few years fighting against.

“About six weeks,” Bucky replied.

Steve’s eyebrows leapt upwards at that, though he fought to keep his face neutral. At least he had the decency to keep his dismay to himself. It made this conversation easier to get through somehow. Steve could be disappointed by Bucky’s actions all he liked as long as Bucky didn’t have to hear him put voice to it.

“He’s a killer,” Steve pointed out, his voice quiet, as if Bucky wasn’t already aware of that.

“So am I. So is just about everyone else here, far as I can tell.”

“Bucky, I didn’t mean–“ he started, but Bucky shook his head to dismiss the argument and Steve fell silent. Neither of them said anything for a while, the sounds echoing up from the waking city below them the only thing to be heard until Steve sighed, his gaze fixed on some unintelligible spot outside the window. “Times sure have changed, huh?”

“Tell me about it,” said Bucky. “Still no flying cars, though.”

He glanced back at Steve to see the corner of his mouth tug into a smile. “I’ll tell Tony to get on that,” he replied, straightening as his purpose returned to him. “I’ll wait for you downstairs – if you’re still up for training.”

“I am. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Steve nodded and left Bucky to himself. He sank back into the cushions for a moment, though there was no use in wallowing; as much as he’d have liked for his and Loki’s relationship to stay between them, the news was out now and Bucky couldn’t change that. And Steve hadn’t reacted badly, at least. Things could have gone a lot worse.

He pushed himself to his feet and made his way to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face and rinsing the taste of Loki from his mouth before quickly changing clothes and heading down to the gym to join Steve.

 

“So are you two, like, a couple?”

That took longer than Bucky had expected. He and Steve had been sparring for more than ten minutes and only now did Steve bring up the subject of him and Loki again. But Bucky had known the question would come up eventually, and he didn’t falter in his movements, throwing up a hand to block Steve’s attack without hesitation.

“No. Not exactly,” he said as he seized his opportunity to land a sharp jab on Steve’s exposed flank.

Steve recoiled a step, though he immediately used the extra distance between them to send Bucky backwards across the room with a foot to the stomach. He wasn’t holding anything back, and neither was Bucky. They didn’t need to these days.

“What, it’s just sex, then?”

“It’s... comfort.” That was the best way he could describe it, without going into the details of how Loki’s company was just about the only thing that could distract him from thinking about his past; of how the nights spent in Loki’s bed were the ones he would sleep straight through, instead of waking every few hours, reluctant to go back to sleep for fear of the dreams his unconscious mind would plague him with.

Bucky weaved out of the way as Steve’s fist flew at him again. “You care about him?” Steve said and Bucky paused, their sparring forgotten for the time being. He’d never stopped to consider that before.

“I suppose I do. In a way.”

It wasn’t a way he necessarily understood; he certainly wasn’t in love with Loki, but there was a kind of mutual understanding between them that was satisfying enough, and maybe he didn’t need to understand how their relationship worked as long as it did. He didn’t expect Steve to get it, though he at least seemed like he was trying to, a thoughtful frown on his face as he considered what Bucky had said.

“So now we’re getting things off our chest,” he said, “is there anything else you want to tell me?”

He looked at Bucky expectantly. So much had changed between them, yet Bucky couldn’t help but still see the skinny, asthmatic kid who never knew when to walk away from a fight when he looked at Steve. But Steve didn’t need Bucky to protect him anymore, and he could handle knowing the truth.

“I’m not okay,” Bucky replied. “I can barely sleep. I can’t go twenty minutes without remembering some other awful thing I did, and I’m terrified I’ve spent too long as the Winter Soldier to ever be me again.”

Steve’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly, though when he spoke his tone was as casual as if Bucky had been speaking about the weather. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“You knew?”

“I figured if I plain asked you what you were going through you’d just pretend everything was fine,” he said with a shrug. “I never expected Loki to be beneficial to anyone’s health, though. He’s kind of a brat, isn’t he?”

That raised a chuckle from Bucky. “It’s mostly an act,” he said.

“But he makes you happy?”

“He makes it easier.” Steve nodded, and another brief silence settled over them until Bucky spoke again. “Does this mean you’re okay with it, Steve?”

“It means I want my best friend back,” he said, in a tone more stern than Bucky had ever heard from him. “Now go on; get out of here. You’ve probably got better things to do than beat me around all morning.”

“You sure?”

He nodded and gave Bucky’s shoulder a gentle push to start him on his way to the door and Bucky bade him goodbye with a salute. “Bucky,” Steve called just as Bucky reached the doorway, “Thor doesn’t know, does he?”

“No.”

“I wouldn’t tell him just yet.”

Bucky had no objection to heeding that advice. He’d only met Thor a few times since he’d been living in Stark Tower, though he was already keen to stay on his good side. He didn’t much want to find out how Thor would react to the news Bucky was sleeping with his younger brother. He and Steve grinned at each other before Bucky stepped out into the corridor to head back to Loki.

 

Loki had returned to bed when Bucky slipped back into his apartment, his body an immobile, noiseless mound under the covers. Bucky couldn’t even hear his breathing. He moved to creep across the room silently so as not to wake him, but just as he raised his foot to step forward the lump spoke.

“If you take one step I will obliterate you,” Loki said, the words muffled slightly by the sheet covering him though still clear enough to have any real intruder making a hasty exit. “And since you would be forcing me to move I cannot guarantee your death will be particularly fast or painless.”

Smiling to himself, Bucky crossed the room anyway, and before Loki could make good on his threat Bucky had found an edge of the sheet not tucked under Loki’s body and lifted it to reveal Loki curled on his side, using his arm as a pillow. His glare immediately disappeared when he laid eyes on Bucky standing above him.

“Oh,” he said in surprise, “it’s you.”

“It’s me.”

“Are you coming back to bed, then?”

Absolutely. He dropped the sheet back over Loki and undressed to crawl under the covers himself. There was just enough light seeping through to dimly illuminate Loki’s smile.

“I didn’t think I would be seeing you again until this evening,” he said.

“Well I can come back later if you’d prefer...” He motioned to leave the bed again as he spoke, and Loki’s hands flew out to latch onto his arm.

“Don’t you dare.” He pulled Bucky in close with a hand on his neck and they shared a deep kiss, Bucky’s hands sliding down Loki’s back as he made himself comfortable. Somehow Loki’s mattress always seemed to feel better than his own – though perhaps it was the improved company that made it so much more preferable. “How was your training?”

“Pretty good.” Bucky pressed a soft kiss to Loki’s temple as Loki settled against him, and he closed his eyes until he had to start his day once again.


End file.
